Getting to know Me

Well I guess I can start by telling a little about myself. I am 32 years old and I am a wife and mother of 5. Four biological children; one boy and three girls, and one step-daughter. I have been married to my husband for five years and together for 6 years, as of just this past March. I also work part-time and go to school full-time. I will be finishing up my Associates degree in Criminal Justice: Corrections this summer and then moving on to my Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. It hasn't been easy getting where I am today, so I would like to share a little history about myself.

I was born and raised in Jackson, Michigan. My mother and father were divorced when I was ten years old. At 12 I was hanging out with my friends and skipping school and seeing older guys. At 14 I met a boy who was 19 and me and a friend of mine and her older boyfriend had ran away to Florida. We were picked up 2 weeks after and put on a plane back home to turn ourselves in to the police and our parents. I was a troubled teenager and I have done many things that I wish that I hadn't done, but then life is full of living and learning from our mistakes. I was only seventeen when I ended up pregnant with my first daughter. I was living with my boyfriend at the time and my older sister and her boyfriend. I was three months pregnant with my daughter.

On October 27th,1998, It was my boyfriends first night working third shift and everyone else was gone that night also. I had gone to bed that night and not too long after everyone had left I was awoken by the bedroom door being opened. I thought that it was later in the morning and my boyfriend was coming in from his first night at work but when I looked over to see what time it was it was only 12:09 am, October 28,1998. I looked up to see a black man standing in the doorway and then he went back out. He had gone into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and then the pine-sol from under the sink. He came back into my room and jumped on top of me and I screamed. He put a knife up to my chest and told me that if I screamed one more time he would cut my chest open. Then he proceeded to pour pine-sol down my throat and then onto a rag and stuffed it into my mouth.  I was raped by this man who I later found out had been highly intoxicated by alcohol and crack-cocaine. I had no idea who this man was. I had never seen or met him in my life. He had passed out in my bed and I ran out of my room after I was sure he was passed out and called the police. My boyfriend come home after I had been to the hospital and everything and he had no idea what had gone on. He asked who broke the board off the front door. He's the only one who had seen it. That explained how the man got in. When the police got there they hadn't seen it and the door had been locked back up after this man had come in. My boyfriend felt horrible about what had happened and blamed himself for a very long time after. Now, you can only imagine how much criticism I got and the scrutiny in the papers about how I must have known this man and that I cried rape because my boyfriend was coming home and I had to get rid of this man somehow. My mother had read the article in the paper and called the newspaper and told them that they had printed information that was not true even though it was already printed and the damage had already been done. They did, however, follow up with the actual facts when the case went to trial. It dragged on forever it felt, they had postponed the trial until after I had my daughter and I am so lucky to have had a healthy baby girl in May of 1999. The man had been convicted on 2 counts of 1st degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (weapon used) and 1st Degree Home Invasion. His earliest release won't be until 2020 and the maximum is 2032. 

I only come out to talk about this after many years of not fully facing all my fears about that night and what had happened to me. I have lived life in paranoia and looking over my shoulder and I have finally after all these years taken back control of my life and I no longer let that man run my life anymore. I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends that have helped me through a lot of things throughout my life and I wish only to do the same for others. So no you are not alone and it is not shameful to come forward and talk about it. I still struggle to share everything with my husband but it is a struggle I am facing head on so that I can be honest with myself and with him also. It has been a process for me and I would only hope that those who have been through similar things will feel more willing and free to talk about their thoughts and feelings also.